"Oh, but I take little Timmy and his friends to soccer practice," you say. Guess what, little Timmy ain't so little, he's a fat tub o' goo and the only reason he plays soccer is so he can watch DVD's/play Sega on the way to practice. Then after practice its off to Burger King for dinner (because between getting your nails done and sitting around watching yourself get fatter, where do you find the time to make a nutritious meal?) Then the next morning it is time to take Timmy to school ("Timmy take the bus? Never, the other kids might pick o nhim, then he'd grow up to be a maladjusted adult"). Right, cause you're not driving him down that path. So it's off to school with Timmy in tow, and uh-oh there's stop and go traffic up ahead, better get on my cell phone and tell my husband. Good thing I'm in such a safe car, even if a rear-end someone, I'll still walk away, while leaving them hopelessly crippled for life. Better turn on the halogens for safe measure. What's that? They reflect off the rearview mirror of the driver in front of me, leaving them virtually blind? That's OK, that's how they know I'm behind them! Well, there's Timmy's school up ahead--better get over all 3 lanes of traffic at the last minute (I lost track of time what with being on the cell phone). Turn signal? Look? Yield? No! I'm in a big SUV, THEY better look out for me! (THEY of course being "crazy drivers"). Now that Timmy is dropped off, I bet I can get McDonald's breakfast and still be home in time to catch "The View", I'll have to do drive-thru though. What's this, the drive-thru doesn't accomodate cars of larger stature? I bet if I lean REALLY far out I can just throw money at the person. Whoops! Dropped it. Now I have to climb out and back again. No time to sit here and put creamer in. I'll just hold the coffee in my lap while I put creamer in and merge into oncoming traffic....

----Gup

Sorry to burst all you car driver's bubbles but the same complaint can be made against you. How many times do you get stuck behind a VW Beetle or Honda Civic doing 5 mph below the speed limit in the passing lane? And after you "flash to pass" and they finally move over...you see that they are wearing a 1970's sundress, have a fake daisy in their cupholder, and are drinking a Mocha DoubleCoconut Frap from Starbucks. They aren't talking on a cell phone but they obviously are so into their "world" that they forget how to drive.

The one thing that was left out of the "A Day in the Life of an SUV Driver" commentary was on saturday morning when Timmy and his dad go to home depot and pick up lumber to build his new jungle gym. I personally have seen what happens when Nick the Jetta driver decides he can strap plywood, 2x6's and metal pipe to the roof of his car. He loses half of it and causes at a minimum traffic delays and at a maximum an accident.

So in a nutshell, all you car drivers that don't mind SUV's and trucks are cool and all you that don't can KISS OUR ASSES!!!!!

Sincerely,
Farmer

----Judo