You know what they say in Texas, Chris: "Bobcat can eat all the chili he wants, doesn't mean he's gonna crap diamonds!"
	You always were a little bit slow. The doctors call it dyslexia. But when you were younger we just called it retardation...
You know, when I first moved to this country, I was in third grade. And all the other kids in my school where white, Americanos. And I noticed, that when I went to the urinal to take a leak, my pene was bigger than all the other kids! So I went home to my grandmother, I say, "Abuelita! Why is my pene bigger than other kids? Because I'm Latino?" She said, "No. Because you're 23!"	Kenny G will be releasing a CD fully comprised of Christmas songs. Happy birthday, Jesus - HOPE YOU LIKE CRAP!
Yo, I don't know what you two are so happy about - You guys should called each other the fruit parole and arrest yourselves.
	There was a time where I would have condemned this ratings system as censorship. But I have children. Two adorable boys. And frankly, I don't want them watching this crap.
My roommate is from Canada, so we told him that American girls really like it when guys wear mesh tank tops and quote Billy Joel.	You know, you are really bad at innuendo!
At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.	In health news, scientists have announced the invention of a women's condom. The condom works by fitting snugly over a woman's wine glass.
Guess what... I got a fever and the only prescription... is more cowbell!	This is the most effective memory enhancement drug on the market. It'll improve your short-term memory. It'll improve your long-term memory. And most of all, it'll improve your short-term memory.
Hello kids, my name is Matt Foley, and I live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!	San Francisco was rattled by a magnitude 5.2 earthquake Tuesday. One San Francisco man said the quake was so strong it shook the gay out of him.
Babies, babies! By the time I'm done with you, you will all be wearing gold plated diapers!
Now, I think the deficit is like a crazy old aunt that lives in the cellar: everybody knows she's down there, but nobody wants to talk about her. Well, I say bring her on up and give the bitch a good hosing.
...the ASPCA is after me about this "horse" thing.	Do you like drinkin'? Well, do ya like drinkin'? Well, who the heck don't?
	Get out of here before I love you too much... GET OUT!
You gotta gish/You gotta gash/You gotta wax Grandma's mustache/And lay out socks and make sure they match. Whoa yeah, you gotta help out your Grandma.	I think I just coughed up my nards. No, wait, it could be grapes. No, it is my nards.
I pose a conundrum to you, a riddle if you will.